Well, would you look at that. I’m back. And I don’t even know why. Well, maybe it’s because I kind of like the freedom of being able to write what I want, how I want. But then again, sometimes it takes me awhile to realize how dumb my writing sounds. I’ve started a journal several times, only to tear it to shreds because everything I wrote sounded kind of dumb and I couldn’t bear the thought of anyone reading it. I always came up with these ridiculous scenarios where I would somehow die and then my parents would find my journal and read about how shitty my life was. Not because my life was shitty, but more that I only wrote in it on bad days. When I was having a good day, I thought it was kind of pointless to write about it, maybe because journal writing is kind of portrayed as the writing you do to sort out problems and negative feelings and stuff.
As you can see I’m avoiding the word “diary.” Not only does it bring to mind sparkly ink and crushes, but it’s also such a dumb sounding word. Speaking of words, I like the word “dumb.” It’s just a straightforward word, and I like it. Enough said.
So I guess this is a little different than a journal (or diary-barf). I actually have an audience that I’m writing to! Well, not really. I don’t really expect anyone to find or read this blog. I’m doing it mostly for me. Sometimes I let my mom, aunts, and best friend read it (hey guys!). But that’s because I want reassurance that I don’t sound dumb (there’s that word again), even though I fully know they’re always going to praise my work. Not because I think my writing is anything special, but because that’s just what moms and family and friends do (at least mine).
This wasn’t even what I had planned on writing. But maybe that’s another reason why I like this whole blog thing. I can just go on and on about what ever I would like to without caring about how I sound (let’s be real though, I still think I sound dumb), or if it makes sense, or if people are even reading it. The more I write though, the more I feel like this:
So maybe that means I should stop for now, unless I want to permanently look like a dork. Oh wait. I already do.